Nothing really matters
by Wendlathenardier
Summary: What happens if Blaine has to break up with Kurt? my first fic! T to be safe!
1. Chapter 1

So this is my first fanfiction ever…So be kind!

I obviously don't own Glee…at all. Reviews are helpful! Obviously this will be updated, we couldn't leave it like this!

Kurt ran quickly down the street of New York City. He passed thousands of people, tourists, vendors, native new yorkers, but none of them looked any different from one another. They all looked liked blobs past his tear filled eyes. His shallow breathing frightened a few people, but none enough that they stopped the young man. His scarf whipped him in the face and his hands stung with chill of the December night. But none of this mattered, not the pain of the coldness, not the split second escape from speeding cabs, not the route through questionable neighborhoods…nothing mattered.

He burst through the door of his apartment and suddenly collapsed on the floor. He didn't immediately break out into sobs like in the movies or throw things or punch the wall. He just collapsed onto the floor and lay there, a few fat tears rolling down his porcelain face. Who cares that he was wrinkling his perfectly pressed cashmere sweater? Nothing mattered.

Suddenly the events of the evening came flooding back to him. He'd met Blaine at a small café. They were smiling laughing and discussing their first few weeks in New York. Suddenly something seemed different in Blaine. He checked his phone with a frown and shallow look. Kurt pretended not to notice, but he knew something was bothering his boyfriend. They had to been together for almost 2 years now, there are things you just know. Suddenly Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and said the three worst words he's ever hard

"_We need to talk_"

And suddenly…nothing mattered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so first of all thank you so much to everyone who subscribed and reviwed last night! I love writing this. It jumps around a little, but I'll try to explain at what point in the story these take place! I know theyre short, but it makes it easier to update quickly Sorry if you get frustrated with Blaine in this chapter…I know I know, but it will be fine! Xoxoxo 3**

That morning, Blaine Anderson's day started like any other. He woke up next to the love of his life, got ready, and then went to classes at NYU. Today was different though, he woke up feeling anxious and nauseous, his father was coming into town today.

He was meeting him for lunch at a small sports bar in Brooklyn, a spot Blaine would've never appeared at without his macho man father, It wasn't that Blaine didn't love his father, he just tended to make everything harder. He knew Blaine was gay, whether he chose to accept it or not was another question. Which is why Blaine chose not to reveal to him that he was living with Kurt considering he did front the bill.

Blaine was up as usual much before Kurt and as he went out the door he planted a small kiss on his boyfriend's forehead.

Blaine's classes seemed to fly by today, just because he didn't want them to, of course. Soon it was 3 o clock, time to meet his father. Of course he wasn't here just to meet Blaine, he was also here on business, which explains why Blaine was left sitting at the sports bar for an extra twenty minutes.

Finally he saw his father's salt and pepper slicked back hair appear from the door of the sports bar. Blaine rose to his feet to shake his father's hand as he was taught to do for all of his life.

"Sit down, son." His father said. "So how are your courses?"

"Going well sir," Blaine replied, "I'm on track to make the dean's list."

"Good, good…"

There was an awkward silence that was soon broken by Blaine's vibrating IPhone. He reached out to grab it, but his father got to it first.

"Now lets see what could be so important that it would interrupt this lovely reunion, shall we?"

"Dad…sir…could I please see my phone?"

"I'm sorry, who pays for this phone bill?"

His father opened the text message with a solemn look followed by a look of disgust.

"Um.."Honey," I think we need to have a discussion."

Blaine quickly grabbed for his phone from his father's hands. _Shit_ he though. It was from the last person, at the moment, he wanted to text him, Kurt.

_Hi honey! I cleaned the apartment after class today! Meet me at our spot in the café at 8 tonight? Good luck with your dad! I love you xxxooo_

Normally, a text like this would've made Blaine's night, but at the moment it was the worst thing in the world.

"What do you have to say for yourself young man? Keeping that boy in the apartment I pay for?"

"I just…he goes to school here too…and we figured it would make the most sense since we've been together for so long and.."

'I'm not paying for you to make that apartment your gay love shack with that…that…"

"I'm sorry dad, I should've told you, but Kurt and I are so happy and…"

"Well you won't be for much longer, you end it with him, tonight or all of the money for school and your apartment goes away."

"Dad, you know I can't pay for a School like NYU on my own…what about my future?"

Suddenly Mr. Anderson's eyes burned with rage, "Well you'll have none if you stay with that boy, Blaine. What if it doesn't work out between you two is it really worth living on the streets for?"

Something about that statement stuck with Blaine. What if it didn't work out? Kurt had his talent scholarship and job, but what did Blaine have? If Kurt ever wised up to the idea that he deserved so much better than Blaine, Blaine's life would be over for more reasons than one.

"But he is my future, dad.."

"Do you really believe that Blaine? I didn't raise my son to be a fag, let alone a stupid one…"

To other people that last statement would've stung, but that was just the sort of thing that Blaine had gotten used to growing up in the Anderson household. The thing that really stung was that his father's words were starting to make sense.

"Look Blaine, I think I've made myself perfectly clear…you end it with yur "boyfriend," Blaine noticed his father's face of disgust as he muttered that word, "…tonight or you move out by tomorrow. Then you're both homeless, is that what you want?"

Blaine suddenly had a gut wrenching feeling of what was to come. He knew better than to question his father. He many be speaking calmly now because they were in public, but Blaine knew that if he tried to keep Kurt at his place, his father would be much less clam. He was partial to the belt, though Blaine was 18 he still hadn't outgrown it in his father's eyes, but who would stop him from getting much more violent? And what if he did something to Kurt? Worse, what if his father was right? He suddenly knew had to do the hardest thing of his life tonight, break Kurts heart, and his own


	3. Chapter 3

_**Okay sooo, this chapter is a lot lot longer than the others, I just couldn't stop! I know the times and POVs switch around, but I try to label them clearly! This will stop by next chapter, promise. I'm just a huge fan of the musical The last 5 years so I wanted to do something like that. I would love feedback on what you guys want to happen or what is or isn't working! Also (shameless self promotion) my tumblr is .com, if that's any easier to get ahold of me or if you wanna follow me ;) Okay thanks! Xoxoxo**_

_Kurt's POV 11:30pm_

As Kurt lay on the floor of his apartment, his mind was numb. He couldn't even force his own brain to deal with the pain of the demise of his relationship. He couldn't even think of how this would change everything. How could he get coffee at that café again? He'd have to call Blaine his ex-boyfriend…where would he live? He suddenly realized he was lying on the floor of the apartment he shared with his now ex. His brain was now working feverishly. _Get out now_, his brain said. He fumbled to his bedroom to cram a few days worth of clothes into a few grocery bags. He ran down the stairs and out of the building quickly as to not cross paths with Blaine.

Once Kurt was outside he sprinted to the nearest restaurant he could find, Insomnia cookies. How fitting. He clicked 2 on his speed dial and tapped his fingers on the table.

"Ummm….hello?" the voice on the other line said.

She sounded tired, Kurt looked at his watch, 11:45, that wasn't completely unreasonable.

"Hey, um it's Kurt."

"I know, baby, what's wrong? You sound shaken!"

"Um, Blaine and I broke up, can I come stay with you?" Kurt said more matter of factly than he thought he could, at least that's what it sounded like to him.

"Oh Kurt, calm down its going to be okay! You know you're welcome here any time, do you want me to come get you?"

"No, no its fine, I need a few minutes to think any way…but I need you more, I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Okay baby, be careful! I love you."

'Love you too."

He hung up the phone and thought about the events that had transpired that evening.

_2 hours earlier Blaine's POV_

Blaine walked through the streets of New York slowly, knowing what would have to happen when he got to his destination.

_Do I tell him my reasoning? He thought. No…then he'll talk me out of it. Then what do I even say? What if he cries, oh God I can't bear that. I'll just say that it isn't working out…I don't know, I think this is the right thing…it has to be. Otherwise where will I go? My future will be ruined if I don't end this…_

Suddenly Blaine's stomach dropped. There he was at the entrance of the coffee shop. He took a deep breath and walked in. He smiled at Kurt before going up to order his medium drip coffee. He'd need it. He then sat down to a smiling Kurt at their usual table.

_God he's gorgeous when he smiles, but this needs to be done. I'm saving both of us._

_12:00 am Kurt's POV_

Kurt arrived at the apartment building just as it was beginning to snow. He climbed the stairs to his best friend's apartment, steps that Blaine and Kurt had climbed so many times together. He reached apartment 335 in no time and knocked his usual three times. He reached up to wipe his eyes.

Suddenly, he realized he'd be running up the stairs and sobbing uncontrollably his entire walk over. Funny how things like that just become second nature to your broken heart.

Suddenly the door opened to reveal a petite brunette who quickly embraced Kurt just as he was about to collapse in a heave of sobs.

"Kurt, baby, I'm so so sorry. Let's get you to bed."

"I just…I don't understand, Rachel." He managed to get out.

Rachel may have been a complete diva in high school, but she and Kurt just understood each other. As performers they were passionate about everything, especially love. Kurt had slept over Rachel's so many times when she and Finn had a fight or when she just plain missed him. Finn had stayed In Lima to help Kurt's father with his garage. This was the first time that Kurt would be the one needing comfort and Rachel knew she owed him, big time.

When Kurt and Rachel finally reached her bed, Kurt collapsed face down on a pillow, much like he'd collapsed onto the floor of his apartment earlier, suddenly silent and numb.

Rachel began running her hands through the fragile boy's chestnut brown hair.

"Do you want to tell me what happened, Kurt? It may help you to let someone in."

"Well, we were just sitting down to coffee…"

_Blaine's POV 9:30 pm_

"How'd you daddy date go, honey?" Kurt asked.

_ Oh god if you only knew._

"Um..Okay I guess. You know him…"

"Well, um at least it's over, huh? Oh my goodness I had the craziest day with classes and rehearsal and cleaning the apartment, which you're going to love by the way!"

"Yeah um Kurt about that. Listen Kurt, We need to talk."

_Oh my God, Anderson, could you get more cliché?_

"Okay…?"

"Listen, it's just..I'm not happy, with us anymore I mean. You know I think you're amazing and talented and gorgeous-

_C'mon Blaine out with it…_

-But it's just not going to work."

Blaine expected Kurt to make a huge scene. He expected his hot coffee thrown in face or screaming or something, but Kurt just stared. He watched as Blaine ended their love with tear heavy eyes and heavy sighs. He watched in Kurt's eyes, as his heart was silently broken.

Suddenly, Kurt rose, put on his coat and scarf and started to calmly walk out. Blaine was so half expecting himself to grab Kurt and kiss his tears away, but he knew he had done what was right, for both of them, right? After all, God knows what his father would to him, or they would be homeless.

Suddenly, Kurt looked back at Blaine and Blaine saw the most gut wrenching sight he'd ever seen. Kurt's face was so pale except for his cheeks and eyes which were bright red. He was biting his lip to fight back the tears, but suddenly it couldn't hold it anymore and Kurt began to run away in a fit of sobs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey babies! So here is the next chapter. I'm kinda getting into the groove of writing one chapter a day, but I may even put the next chapter out tonight! I'm having wayyy too much fun writing this. Your subscriptions and reviews have made me so immensely happy! Remember if you wanna follow e on tumblr, my name is lovesmyreligion. You can send me suggestions on there too. Thanks so much xoxoxo**

_Kurt's POV 12:30 am_

By the end of his recall of what happened, Kurt couldn't stop crying. Rachel had no idea what to say, knowing that no matter what she did or said or wished, nothing would change this. So she did what she could do, she wrapped her arms around her best friend and held him as close as possible.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do Rachel, he's all I know. We've been dating for almost two years; I don't know New York without him. Where am I going to live? How am I ever going to find anyone?"

"Well, I don't know if you need to worry about dating anytime soon, baby, we'll take care of you first. As for where you're going to live? Why not here? We can put another bed in here, it's not like I'm going to be bringing boys back anytime soon…or better yet, we'll put your bed in the music room! I rehearse at the studio all the time anyway!"

Kurt knew this wasn't going to fix everything, but maybe this would be the best thing for him at the moment.

"Rachel Berry, you are truly the best friend ever."

"I know right?"

Kurt smiled for the first time since Blaine spoke those terrible words to him. It wasn't his usual saucy grin, it wasn't even really a smile, more like a small grin, but it was something.

"As for tonight, Rach, do you mind if I sleep in your bed? I'm sorry if that's too much, I just don't know if I can bear to sleep alone just yet."

"Of course, baby, I wouldn't have it any other way."

As Kurt lay in Rachel's bed, he finally allowed his brain to reengage. He allowed himself to feel everything, fully. He felt a shudder fall through his body. He knew his life was over. Blaine was his everything for two of the best years of his life. They'd talked about their lives together, their future, a future he was so sure would happen. They'd be successful, get married, have kids, get a penthouse apartment, but none of that was going to happen now. Where should he go from here? When Kurt woke up this morning, he had no clue that in less than 24 hours his entire life would be shattered, that he'd be left with no answers, only a million questions.

_Blaine's POV 10:00_

It had been only a half hour since Kurt left the café, but Blaine hadn't moved a muscle. He was numb. Was it supposed to feel like this? He thought, no he knew he was doing the right thing, so why did it feel like this? Wasn't he supposed to feel relieved? Finally, he got enough sense to get up and walk to the apartment.

_Shit_ he thought,_ would Kurt be there? I mean, I didn't even give him an option. Damn, I'm such a bastard, I did this for us, so neither of us would be without a home and I didn't even make sure he had a place to stay. What if he's the street? I should go find him and…. no, Anderson, you broke up with him tonight. Kurt is your…ex. Wow, that sounds a lot worse than I thought it would._

Blaine finally reached his apartment, his own apartment, and turned the key bracing himself for anything, Kurt to be in their bed, shredded furniture, he wouldn't have time to steal everything right? When he finally opened the door he couldn't believe he'd been so stupid, this was Kurt he would never do anything to hurt anyone, unlike him. That's another reason why this was a good decision, Kurt was so much better than Blaine was. Blaine peeked into their…his room and saw that of course, everything was normal except a few drawers that had been opened and a few hangers on the floor, he was gone.

After showering, he was sure he'd feel better, but he didn't. After he lay down he was sure he'd feel better, but he didn't, he actually felt worse. This bed felt huge by himself and suddenly there it was. He was alone. He was single and that was just too much for Blaine to handle. He began to sob and his heart physically hurt.

_This is normal,_ he thought_. It always hurts in the beginning right? It'll be okay tomorrow._

But it wasn't. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey babes! So, sorry I haven't updated in a few days, I've been working a lot, but I'm hoping to get back to writing at least every other day for a while. I appreciate all of the reviews and subscriptions I've been getting, even the negative one because I know now what to improve on, so I hope you like where this is going. As always if you have anything to say, please say it, but in a nice way. I'm totally open to suggestions and as long as it's said in a helpful tone, I won't be offended or mean! So this chapter marks the end of the huge time and POV switches. I'll still be switching POVs, but they'll be more close time wise. Thanks xoxoxo**

Blaine's POV

The next morning, Blaine woke up to an empty bed and an empty apartment, this is the first time this had happened in New York and it truly felt awful. All notions that his decision would feel "all better" by morning had vanished. At least I have school to keep me occupied, he thought. A school that's paid for and safe…that also made me lose Kurt…but that's beside the point. I need to be realistic. And with that, Blaine shoved all sadness in the back of his mind for the day, grabbed some toast and met the day. And he was fine, at least for a few days, until a certain brunette came knocking, no pounding, on his apartment door.

Kurt's POV

The morning after the breakup, all Kurt could do was lay in bed. Not his bed, not the bed he shared with Blaine, but a bed that wasn't even his, that he had no business wallowing in, especially all day. The owner of said bed didn't care though, she was just happy her best friend was with her and not sulking on the street somewhere, or worse.

A few days after the breakup, Kurt was still stuck in bed. Now mind you, by the second day, he got up to go to class and some singing rehersals, his ballads had even gotten better thanks to his newfound angst, but soon after he was back to laying down in bed, not even sulking, just numb.

Rachel had watched all of the sulking go on far too long. A plan was in order.

"Kurty, I think it's time we went out and had a little fun."

"Huh?"

"Ya know, we could have a girl's night! Go to a karaoke bar or go see a show, just get out of here for a while."

"As tempting as that sounds…I just don't think I can, besides, what would I wear anyway?"

"You let me take care of that. You just worry about what Aretha song will sound better with me as back up!"

Blaine's POV

It was around 12 p.m. on Friday when Blaine hear the frantic pounding on his door. He had absoloutely no clue who to expect, he half expected it to be his father checking to make sure Kurt wasn't living at the apartment because frankly ever since he lost Kurt, his social life took a turn for the worse. So imagine his surprise when he opened the door to find a one Miss Rachel Berry staring lividly back at him.

"Um, hi Rachel…"

"Hello. I've come to retrieve Kurt's belongings."

Blaine should've known this was coming, he'd had Kurt's things neatly folded and packed for days, it hurt to bad to look at it, but it was still a shock to see Rachel being the one to pick it up.

As he lead Rachel to where Kurt's belongings were, he saw this a prime opportunity to get just a few snippets of info about Kurt, not that he mattered anyway.

"So…Has Kurt beenstaying with you then?"

"No offense, Anderson, but you kinda lost all right to know things like that when you dumped him for, as far as Kurt knows, no reason."

"It wasn't for no reason…and I just want to make sure he's not on the street."

"Clearly he's being taken care of. So, don't worry about it, I'm sure you don't really care anyway."

With that, Rachel scooped up the last bag and was about to walk through the door of the apartment for the last time.

"Rachel, I know you don't think I have a right to know, and I probably don't, but is Kurt doing okay?"

"What do you think Anderson? Do you honestly think he's okay?"

'"I guess not."

"Frankly, whatever your reasoning, I know my best friend deserves better. You clearly are a wreck too even though you're better at hiding it, but I can't really find it in my heart to feel bad for you considering you broke Kurt's soul."

"I promise, my reason is in Kurt's best interest too. I am still hurting, but I know it's for the best."

"I really hope you can live with this, Anderson."

Suddenly, the door was closed an inch away from Blaine's face and somehow, Blaine felt worse than he did before. If that was even possible.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hi lovelies! So I know it's been months since I've updated this, I'm in my first quarter of college, so it's kinda nuts. I had a hard time figuring out where I wanted this story to go, so I'm glad I waited because I think I know now. The story is kinda pulling a bit from my experiences at college so far because I'm in the Rocky Horror Picture show currently playing Brad (I'm female if you didn't figure that out.) It's been such an amazing ride, but I never saw myself here. So just a little tie to my life. I'll hopefully update this sometime this week again. For now, if you have any questions, feel free to chat me up on tumblr (.com). Lots o love xoxoxo**_

A few months went by and Blaine was doing great. He had a nice big apartment to himself, he had nice dinners by himself, and was working out a lot to impress…himself. Yep, Blaine was doing fine…at least that's what he was telling himself every night when he laid in his king sized bed alone.

There wasn't even room to feel this way. What was done was done and now it was just time to move on. If there's one thing being an Anderson had taught him, it was pushing your feelings away and putting on a brave face…and his was pretty damn convincing.

Kurt was not doing such a spectacular time holding back his feelings. Sure, he was finally functioning, but he was a zombie who was suddenly wearing nothing but oversized sweaters and jeans. His auditions were suddenly getting better, however.

Suddenly he was getting call backs for parts he'd never dreamed he could tap into. He was suddenly feeling the hopelessness of Bobby from Company, the yearning of Anthony from Sweeny Todd and the loneliness of Mark from Rent, a part which he landed the role for.

Kurt had never seen himself being involved in such a grungy, angsty, sexual show, let alone enjoying it, but here he was, standing on the top of a table belting about "Mucho Masterbation" and loving every second.

It was an outlet, a way to become someone completely unlike himself, while still pulling from his hurt. Blaine hadn't left him for a woman, as far as he knew, but whatever it was, he felt Mark's pain.

Suddenly it was opening night and Kurt was backstage tying on his red and blue striped scarf. He sat down and just stared at himself in the mirror. He'd finally done it, here he was on an off broadway stage. He didn't need a boyfriend to help him succeed. He was doing it alone.

"Knock, knock," Kurt heard someone say.

He looked at the door to see Laura, a beautiful red head who was his Maureen. She had a bouquet of yellow roses in her hands that she lay down on Kurt's dressing room table.

"These came for you, baby. We're on in 5!"

Kurt slowly grabbed the flowers, almost afraid to see who's name was on the tag.

'_Kurt, You did it! You deserve every second of this journey. I can't wait to hear how it felt after the show. I love you. Love, Rachel'_

Kurt suddenly smiled, his best friend, he should've known she'd do this. She'd been his guardian GaGa these past few months and Kurt didn't know what he'd do without her.

Rachel sat in the audience of the theater and stared at the set that her best friend would soon be performing on. She couldn't wait to see him perform tonight. She also couldn't wait to tell him that she'd be performing on a stage just like it soon, she'd landed the role of Eponine in the new revival of Les Mis, but this night wasn't about her.

Since high school, Rachel had learned when she deserved the limelight, which was usually a lot, and when she just needed to shut up.

As she sat in the audience humming the tune to "A little fall of rain," her eyes locked with a familiar brunette beauty and her heart sank.


	7. Chapter 7

_** Hey lovelies! So I told you I'd try to get this updated soon! I got so many subscriptions after that last post, I love you all immensely. I can't even tell you. But please, send me some reviews, let me know what you love, hate and want me to do better. I apologize in advance for all the cliffhangers xoxoxoxoxo**_

Rachel clenched her fists and took a long, deep breath. In no uncertain terms, this was going to suck.

"What are you doing here, Blaine?" Rachel said.

"My old coworker invited me, she's playing Joanne" he said. "I should ask you the same thing."

"Are you kidding me? He was just getting over you…"

"What?"

"Kurt's in this show! He's Mark! You must've known."

"No he isn't, the Kurt I know would be much too shy to be in a show that stars a stripper and a drug addict."

"Well Blaine, you don't know much about him at all anymore, honestly Blaine. And for your information, it's about a lot more than that, it's about love, something you have a lot to learn about."

Rachel turned on her heels, proud of herself, and took her seat.

Blaine however stood in awe for a second. Kurt was in this? He was going to see Kurt tonight…he was going to see him sing, the thing that made Blaine love him in the first place.

Blaine feverishly opened the playbill for the show to find Kurt's Bio, the one he'd seen in many shows prior. There was something different, the last line.

_Love always to my rock and fellow golden star, Rachel Berry. I couldn't do it without you._

That wasn't there before. It was another line. One about Blaine. He'd been replaced and honestly, who could blame Kurt? Blaine was so stupid, but it was better this way. I mean, look at Kurt. He was doing amazing; it was better this way.

Suddenly he heard the tune up start to be played, out emerged Kurt in his scarf and red sweater. He looked...beautiful, worse for wear, but beautiful and then he opened his mouth.

_December 24__th__, 9 pm eastern standard time, from here on in I shoot without a script…_

Kurt sang these lines with a harsher tone than his usual vibrational soprano. It was powerful, stronger, and Kurt knew it. He felt a sharp hit of energy when he looked out at the crowd and sang these first few lines. This was amazing. This was his new love.

Blaine watched as Kurt danced around the stage to Santa Fe, sang with passion and a little disdain to Tango Maureen and let his pain out during goodbye love.

By that song, Blaine couldn't take it, he cried alongside a few audience members, but for an entirely different reason. Kurt was so beautiful and innocent and Blaine shattered him for a stupid reason. How could he have done that? It was so selfish. This needed to end. But when?

The show ended and Kurt was greeted with well wishers and reporters. This was the moment he'd waited for forever. He was happy. He really was.

Blaine walked towards the stage to say hi to Kurt, but topped when he saw just how happy the man was. His face was lit up as he hugged Rachel and signed autographs. Suddenly though, he didn't look so good.

Blaine and Kurt's eyes locked as Kurt was finally alone. Kurt looked as if his world had just crashed down. A single tear rolled down his face as he turned away.

"BLAINEY!"

Suddenly arms were wrapped around Blaine's neck. It was one his friends Tracy who was playing Joanne.

"Trace, you were amazing tonight. I'm so glad I came."

"Are you sure? Because you look like you really regret it."

Suddenly Blaine felt his face. It was covered in tears, his grey sweater was even black around the neck.

"I'm fine Trace, you just, moved me!"

Kurt walked backstage where he gathered his things in his dressing room. A lump was growing in his throat because of…that person. That one who he'd neglected to name even in his head for months. It hurt too badly. Why was he here? This was not good. But, maybe it was good. Maybe Blaine would see how he'd moved on. Yeah.

Blaine and Kurt both laid in bed on different streets, in different buildings, on different floors. Both couldn't sleep. Both had each other on their minds. One got up at 3:00 am.


	8. Chapter 8

_** Hey pups! So I know I'm like on two extremes with the updates, but I'm getting very excited about this fic right now! This chapter is pretty intense and much longer than my other ones but I hope you like it! Feel free to review and rate, that'd be peaches. Also, thanks so much for the subscriptions, I love you all a lot! Please continue reading and also follow me at /lovesmyreligion. Thanks so much xoxoxxoxox**_

Kurt laid in bed quietly thinking. He'd gotten over the lump in his throat and was now just driven to silent pondering. Why was Blaine there tonight? Why didn't he even say anything to him? Why should he even care? He didn't…okay maybe a little, but not enough to come crawling back. Not even near enough.

Suddenly he heard a knock on the fire escape.

Blaine didn't know what happened to him that night or early morning rather. Maybe it was him seeing Kurt tonight, no it was definitely that, maybe it was how much he hated sleeping alone, not it was definitely that, maybe it was because he couldn't stand living anymore if it wasn't with Kurt…no it was DEFINITELY that.

Yes, Blaine wasn't sure what was going on with him exactly, but all he knew was he was running down 36th avenue in the pouring rain and he knew where he had to go.

He was really doing this…this was like some cheesy eighties movie he's seen a million times. Desperate guy realizes he's an assclown and needs to go apologize at 3 am.

Kurt didn't know what to do. He'd lived in New York nearly a year, but he'd never had an experience as scary. How was he supposed to act? Should he just answer it or leave it alone? What scary hobo was knocking on his window at 3 am?

"Kurt, it's Blaine, open up please it's raining!"

It was worse than a scary hobo.

Kurt didn't know why, but he opened the windows and allowed Blaine, soaking wet to come into his room.

"I'm sorry, but can I help you? What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kurt exclaimed.

"I'm sorry," Blaine said. "I just needed to see you, horribley. I dunno…"

"Didn't you see me enough when you crashed MY opening night? And you needed to see me horribley? What is this 'Say Anything?' Normal people don't force themselves into other people's apartments at 3 am."

"Well to be fair, you did let me in…"

"Oh, my deepest apologies…let me let you out."

"Will you just…let me talk, please?"

"I'm not really sure what you really could have to say for yourself honestly."

"Look Kurt, you did so amazingly tonight and you look so beautiful even though I know you've been crying. Which kills me by the way, but I just came to say…"

"You know what Blaine? I'm not too sure I really care at all what you have to say. You left me with no explanation and no place to go. I don't really much care for you and your excuses. I loved you so much and I would've done anything to stay together, but it's over. You dug your own grave and to be honest you're not really convincing me at all right now."

"Kurt please just let me explain…"

"I don't really think I need to hear…"

"KURT! Please…just let me speak…please."

Kurt suddenly saw Blaine clearly. He looked far worse than Kurt thought. He had dark circles under his eyes, which were puffy and red and he looked sickly pale.

"Fine."

"Look Kurt, I'm not a poet when it comes to words…I can't churn them out as beautifully as you can, but I'm going to try. Ever since we broke up, I've been lost. I've been trying to convince myself that I did what was best for you and us, which maybe it was better for you, but I'm selfish. I am still madly deeply in love with you. I miss waking up to your beautiful face every morning. I miss singing Katy Perry to you at karaoke bars. I miss holding you when you're sad and jumping up and down with you when you're happy. I miss slow dancing in our kitchen. I miss all the stupid things that I never thought I would. I want to be with you, forever and ever. I never want to be single again, I never want you to feel lonely again, I never want to be the one making you cry again. Please, just be with me."

Kurt stood in the middle of the room mouth slightly ajar, eyes watering and fists clenching. He had about 50 different emotions running through his head. There was just one thing burning in his brain and making him wildly angry. Suddenly he didn't even have time to speak, he found himself in a deep kiss with Blaine.

Neither knew who started it, but Blaine was the one who felt the cool absence of Kurt's lips on his. He opened his eyes to see an angry Kurt on the verge of tears.

"I don't…really know…why that happened. But…just one quick question. Why, if you feel this way, did you break up with me in the first place?"

"Well, my dad found out we were living together and told me he cut me off if you didn't move out. He convinced me that it was better for both of us if you moved out so neither one of us would be homeless and we wouldn't be unhappy. But I realize now that I'm only unhappy without you. I'd rather live in a box than be without you again…"

"Wait wait wait…you broke up with me because your dad told you to. Because you were afraid to have him cut you off. You didn't think I'd understand I'd need to get my own place for a while? Or that we'd need to work something out?"

"I don't know…I was stupid…"

"Yeah. You were. You needed to give me more credit than you did. But you didn't so please leave."

"Kurt, I thought we were…"

"Well that was a mistake…please just leave. Please."

"I totally get it, Kurt. I do. I was such an idiot."

"I don't even think you know how much. Goodbye."

With that, Blaine Anderson stepped out onto the fire escape and felt the rush of air as the window was closed behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hey guys! So this is probably one of my favorite chapters I've written so far. I think a lot of you will be satisfied with the change of events, but this is in no way the end. I hope you all enjoy, feel free to review, rate, favorite, whatever you feel. I love you all and I am so blessed to have so many amazing readers! You all rock socks xoxoxxo**_

The next few weeks were hell for Blaine. Not only did he have to go back to living by himself, he knew now that even if he tried, he wasn't getting Kurt back. And that killed.

The next few weeks were…the same for Kurt. He pushed away his feelings for Blaine and just continued doing what he loved. But that was all he did. He went to school, did the show, slept, repeat. He was completely a workaholic because that was the only thing constant in his life.

Once Rachel told Kurt she got the part of Eponine however, he knew he had to pick himself up and celebrate.

Blaine knew he had to do something to get his feelings out, but what?

Rachel and Kurt arrived looking like the broadway superstars they were at Casa, a restaurant and club in the lower east side. It was open mic night, something Rachel and Kurt had gotten their beginnings doing, so they loved to support the upcoming artists.

"Kurty, can you believe we're here?" Rachel asked.

"At Casa?"

"Nooo, just here…at this time in our lives, playing roles we'd only dreamed of on stages we could only imagine."

"Hey, we said we were stars, right? Who deserves it more than us?"

A few acts went on, a beautiful blonde haired british girl, a tall lanky brunette male and finally…someone neither expected.

"Kurt, let's go, we don't really need this."

Blaine looked out at this audience, he just needed to get this song out…but then he saw Kurt. Really, fate?

"Hi, My name is um, Blaine Anderson. I really only have one song for you…I wrote it this past week about someone extremely special who I can't find the right words to explain how I feel about. Here we go."

"Hold on, Rachel. I could regret it if I don't stay."

Blaine took a deep breath, stared in to Kurt's beautiful blue eyes and strummed his guitar.

_I don't know why I let you go_

_ I don't know why I didn't let you know_

_ That you are everything to me_

_ Everything I want to be_

_ I can't take back the past_

_ But I can make us last_

_ Hear me out, don't let us go _

_ If you hear me let me know_

_ Cuz I've been drowning without you baby_

_ Losing all my air_

_ Come and save me baby_

_ Show me you care_

_ Cuz I can't be alone anymore_

_ I need you here_

_ I can't sleep alone anymore_

_ Please say you'll stay_

Blaine sang the whole song staring intently at Kurt. Both men began to cry.

"Thanks for coming out everyone." Blaine said quietly. He quickly exited the stage and grabbed his things. He was about to leave when he felt a familiar tap on his shoulder. Behind him was a dapperly dressed Kurt with eyes full of hurt.

"Come with me please.." Kurt pulled Blaine out into an alley next to the restaurant. Kurt was silent for a second as the two men stood in the bitter cold air staring at each other, but suddenly he opened his mouth.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What?"

"I go out for a simple dinner to celebrate RACHEL and you have to come here and sing that stupid beautiful song and make me fall in love with you over again!"

"Look Kurt, I didn't know…wait…you love me?"

"I didn't say that…"

"I think you did."

Kurts cheeks went red and he clenched his fists.

"Do you think I want to?" he said quietly. "How do you think it feels to be hopelessly in love with someone who dumped them for such an idiotic reason? I hate feeling this way. It actually hurts to love you again. I'm hurting so badly. I'm not even mad at you anymore. I'm just plain hurting, can't you see that? I want to be with you so badly, but I'm broken in 50 different pieces"

By the end of his speech Kurt was yelling and Blaine could feel his heart breaking in his chest. He had hurt this boy a million times worse than he even understood. How could he? He had made the biggest mistake of his life.

"Kurt, you will never ever know how horrible I feel. This is absoloutely my fault in every way. I will never ever ever treat you that way ever again. I love you so much." At this point Blaine had Kurt's face in his hands and was wiping away his tears while crying his own.

"You are the singular reason my life is worth living. You are the most beautiful, passionate, loving, funny, talented person I have ever had the privilege of meeting. You are my north star. I want to grow old with you and be the cool old people who still hold hands in centeral park. Please just give me another chance."

They were both choking back tears and pain and hurt and longing at this point. Neither know how it happened, but just as it began snowing, they shared a desperate kiss. It was tear soaked, deep and sad. Suddenly, Kurt broke away from Blaine's grasp.

"I am so sorry, just give me some time." And with that Kurt dashed down the avenue and was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been two hours since Blaine saw Kurt run out of the alleyway and he was still standing there. It was still snowing, he was still freezing, but he couldn't move.

Blaine knew he hurt Kurt terribly, but not nearly as bad as he actually did. He'd never faced just how bad Kurt was feeling, but now he knew. How could he think Kurt would just forgive him so easily? He'd made a horrible mistake and he had to fix it. Even if Kurt still didn't want to be with him…he had to make it right.

"Blaine?" he heard a tiny voice say. He turned around to see a small brunette in a knit cap and peacoat staring at him with big eyes.

"Hey Rachel," he said bracing himself for her wrath.

"What are you still doing out here?" she said.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I was on my way to the café to get Kurt a chocolate croissant…he's a little upset right now."

"Yeah, that's why I'm still here…too upset to move."

"Look Blaine, I am not telling you what to do here because the last thing I want you to do is hurt my best friend, but have you ever thought that maybe you just aren't trying hard enough?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You say you love him and you want to go back to normal, but have you done anything really besides crash into his bedroom at night? You never would have told him those words in the alley if we hadn't come here tonight. You need to lay it all on the line and try your very hardest because you know that's what Kurt did in the relationship anyway."

"You're right, you're so right. Where is he now?"

"At our apartment. I wouldn't go over their now, but just think about this Blaine and figure out just how badly you want him back and what you're willing to do."

"Thank you so much, Rachel. Hey, give him the crossiant on me, you don't have to tell them that you talked to me if you don't want to." He handed her a five dollar bill.

"Thanks, Blaine. If it's worth anything, I missed you."

And with that Rachel turned on her heels and was off to Kurt's favorite coffee shop.

At their apartment, Kurt was laying in Rachel's bed reading a vogue magazine while "West Side Story" played in the background. He wasn't thinking about Blaine. That was too much for right now.

He'd come home in tears and spilled everything to Rachel. She decided to fix it the only way she knew how, a sleepover musical movie marathon.

Kurt was flipping through the pages eyeing beautiful spring blazers his phone vibrated next to him.

_**From: DO NOT CALL**__ "Hi Kurt, this is Blaine, in case you deleted my number, I just wanted to let you know that I love you. A lot. You don't need to respond ever…I just need to let a few things off my chest…"_

Kurt cracked a smile at the contact name in his phone. He'd changed it to that after the first time Rachel had to wrestle the phone out of his hands after a night of too much alcohol. At the same time, Kurt didn't understand why Blaine couldn't just give him some time. At the same time as well, he loved hearing Blaine spill his guts. Honestly, Kurt didn't know how he felt. As each message came in, Kurt had to fight with himself to try to figure out if he should read them, respond, or just completely ignore them.

"_I've missed you every day since you've been gone."_

"_Your pillow still smells like you…I may have kissed it once or twice…every night."_

"_I tried to watch Company the other day…I felt too much like Bobby…I couldn't finish."_

"_I eat wayyy too many sweets when you're not here to stop me."_

"_I miss the way your nose wrinkles when you laugh."_

"_I miss wiping your tears away when we watch sad movies."_

"_I miss lady and the tramping with lo mein."_

"_You are so beautiful."_

"_I'm a mess."_

"_I just want you back here."_

"_I'm having a hard time getting you off my mind."_

"_I can't get you out of my dreams."_

"_You're my soulmate."_

"_Are you annoyed yet? I love how sassy you get when I get sappy."_

"_You are absoloutely my better half."_

"_Life isn't worth living if you're not here."_

Kurt read the last message and almost kissed his phone. Was he being too hard on Blaine? No…he messed up big time. Nothing needed to be decided right now. If he really loved Kurt, he would be willing to wait.

"Hey love! Ready to indulge? I have chocolate crossaints, raspberries and phantom of the opera!" Rachel said as she burst into the apartment.

Kurt smiled as she crawled into bed with him and the familiar overture began to play. Yeah, he could deal with Blaine tomorrow.

"_Goodnight baby. I'll be dreaming of you…as always."_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Helllooo lovelies! So this chapter may be frustrating for some of you, but never fear! It's a stepping stone. Keep reviewing and subscribing and messaging me. I read every one and love it! You guys are all awesome sauce! xoxoxox**_

Blaine sat in his apartment and feverishly typed each text message to Kurt. Every time he pressed send, he felt his heart break a little more. It felt so good to have someone to send these kinds of texts to again, but it also killed him inside that he didn't have Kurt.

Kurt didn't respond that night…or that next day…or the week after. He just couldn't. He didn't know what to say, how to say it or even how to feel. He loved Blaine, but he wasn't physically capable of dealing with losing him again. It would end him. Plus, Blaine never did tell his dad what was up. So he put his energy into the show and school and friends. He barely let Blaine slip into his thoughts…Blaine wasn't making it easy to forget him though…

It started with the texts…then the emails…then the flowers at the stage door….Kurt's cast mates all asked who the lucky guy was…Kurt maintained that he had a stalker.

Then came one night in March. The temperature was getting warmer so the snow that had been burdening New York City turned to a steady rain. Kurt was settling into the new Sex and the City movie and some pita chips when Rachel appeared wearing a one shouldered purple dress.

"Rachel, you are fabulous," he said loudly, "but why so dressed up?"

She sat down and took his hand.

"Well…Jesse is in town and he asked me to go to dinner…"

"Rachel…you know you can't go out with an ex….without my help!"

About fifteen minutes later Rachel's hair, eyelashes and other things…were pumped up and she was feeling fierce.

"Eat your heart out Jesse St. James!" Kurt said with a squeal.

"Thank you so much. I love it." Rachel said genuinely.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Kurt opened the door to find a tall man in a suit holding a bouquet of yellow roses.

"Hello Jesse, how did you know I loved yellow roses?" Kurt said sarcastically.

"Kurt, I missed your sarcasm…kind of." He said with a laugh.

Always with the backhanded compliments even after all of these years.

"Jesse! Hi you!" Rachel said trying to break the semi awakwardness.

"Rachel, how is it possible that you're even more beautiful?"

Rachel shot Kurt a quick "thank you" glance before she grabbed her coat, kissed Kurt on the cheek and made her way hand in hand with Jesse out the door.

Kurt sat himself on the couch again, alone…and he got to thinking. He watched as the screen flashed images of Carrie and Big and thought about Rachel and Jesse. He suddenly felt extremely lonely. He had a guy who loved him…and he loved him right back. So why was he being so stupid again? Kurt still wasn't sure…he was so stubborn, but Blaine hurt him so deep...

_It's been two years since I let you go_

_I couldn't listen to a joke or a rock n roll…_

Kurt's phone was ringing…playing their song no less. He saw the name on the screen with mixed emotions…

"_**Hi baby…I love you. That's all."**_

That was just the sign that Kurt needed…suddenly he was sprinting out of his apartment building into the rain.

Blaine wasn't expecting much to come from that text. He'd sent countless others to Kurt these past few weeks with no response, he didn't expect this one to be any different…it was much simpler than the others too.

Blaine settled down at the kitchen table to eat some lo mein…he'd put out two places like he had for a while out of habit, when he heard a knock.

He looked confused until the knock started getting louder. He looked through the peep hole and saw a person he didn't even recognize. He had red eyed and was soaked to the skin. Blaine opened the door.

"Kurt? What…" Blaine couldn't even finish his sentence when Kurt lunged at him and started kissing him. Neither could even believe it was happening. Blaine pulled Kurt's wet body inside his apartment and Kurt pushed him against a wall. The two men never stopped kissing.

The kisses were different than usual, like they begging for something, pleading to make this last. Suddenly, Kurt's wet clothes were being hastily removed along with Blaine's dry ones. Both men fell onto their old bed.

A few hours later, both boys were sleeping in bed spooning. Kurt suddenly woke up, realized where he was and sighed. Why did he do this? This was just going to complicate things. He wasn't sure how he felt about the Blaine situation…well he knew how he felt, but he didn't know how to handle these feelings.

He decided it was best to leave for now…but that wouldn't be so easy…


End file.
